Angels of the Silences
by Yanagi-sen
Summary: Ch 4 up! After Omi leaves him, Nagi struggles to live on his own. He's met someone new, but will they stay if they learn about his gift and former life?
1. Angels of the Silences

**_Angels of the Silences_**

By Yanagi-sen

WK songfic

Usual disclaimers, etc etc etc… Song used is by Counting Crows and I've been wanting to write a songfic to it forever, I just love the title.

Warnings: depressing, angst

****

****

**__**

**_Well I guess you left me with some feathers in my hand / _****_Did it make it any easier to leave me where I stand?_**

He stayed there, staring out to the sea for a long time after Omi left. Normally the sounds and sight of the sea was a soothing balm to his often troubled soul. But not today. No, today the cry of the seabirds sounded lonely, reminding him how he was alone again.

His angel had left him.

**__**

**_I guess there might not be too many who would stand beside you now / _****_Where'd you come from? Where am I going?_**

His feet finally remembered how to move and he started walking. One foot in front of the other, again and again, till dusk was falling and the lights of the city blotted out any sight of the heavens above. He wasn't really sure where he was, or where he was going. All he knew was that he had to keep moving. The pain in his legs and feet would hopefully drown out the pain in his heart.

**__**

**_Why'd you leave me 'till I'm only good for... / _****_Waiting for you_**

Intellectually he knew he should be hungry. But at the moment he was consumed by the emptiness in his heart. The emptiness of his stomach couldn't hope to compete.

Why? He couldn't think of a single thing he had done that would have led them to this place. Omi had given no explanation, just said it was over and he was leaving. That was it. No reason, no excuse, not even told in a way to soften the blow. There had been no hint, no warning… no nothing. And now he was left waiting for answers that would likely never come.

**__**

**_All my sins... / _****_I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you_**

He had tried so hard. He had turned his back on the life he'd led. Turned his back on the only family he had known. Turned his back on his own misgivings, just for a chance at a life with Omi.

Was this payment for his sins? Was this his punishment for a youth misspent?

Karma was taking its due early.

**_All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming_**

The lights and sound blur together and it seems like he walked down an endless tunnel. Sometimes quiet residences and shrines, sometimes raucous pachinko parlors and karaoke bars. Hostesses tried to entice him to come in and have a beer. Street venders offered their latest knockoff merchandise. He was blind to all of it.

Such a waste. His was such a waste of a life. Too much time spent on the dreaming and not enough on living. Too much time, too many dead. Too many sins to even atone for.

**_Every night these silhouettes appear above my head / _****_Little angels of the silences that climb into my bed and whisper_**

He had drowned out the sound of his doubts with the whispered assurances from his lover. No… no longer lover. Ex-lover? Former lover? What does one call the love of their life when they decide to up and leave?

"Bastard."

Without even thinking about it, he sidestepped the drunken punch that came sailing in his direction. Spinning, he tripped and laid the belligerent man out on the sidewalk. "I wasn't talking to you."

Before the drunk could get up, he was gone. Gone… just like Omi.

**_Every time I fall asleep Every time I dream / _****_Did you come? Would you lie?_**

He had known from the first that Tsukiyono was a master liar. That much genkiness had to be feigned. As he buried his feelings behind an uncaring mask, Omi hid his behind a smile. He had thought they would get along so well, yin and yang and all that. But no.

How much of it had been a lie? For how long, when he thought Omi cared and maybe even loved him, had the blond been hiding behind that all-to-ready smile of his?

He used to have dreams of Omi's smile… now they would be nightmares.

**__**

**_Why'd you leave us 'till we're only good for... / _****_Waiting for you_**

He noticed a subway station entrance and stumbled down the steps. Omi said he was leaving… this should have been enough time for the blond to get whatever he was taking. He was a little surprised at where he had ended up; he must have walked a lot farther than he thought. He fumbled through his wallet till he found his subway pass. It would take a while to get back to the apartment, this line wouldn't take him where he needed to go, he would have to make a couple transfers.

Stepping onto the car, he grabbed the handrail and stared at his reflection in the window.

**__**

**_All my sins... / _****_I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you / _****_All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming_**

"tadaima…"

Numbly, he closed the door behind him, absently flicking the look. He carefully toed off his shoes, nudging them into order. He noticed that the usual pile of untidy footwear that was normally by the door was gone.

He didn't bother to turn on a light. He walked through the dim apartment, lit by the light of the city outside to look out the window. Somewhere, out in that teeming throb of humanity and architectural monstrosities, was Omi.

**__**

**_I dream of Michelangelo when I'm lying in my bed / _****_Little angels hang above my head and read me like an open book_**

The bed was far too large for just him. Too large and too cold. Too alone.

Sighing, he flopped over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He had to sleep. He had work in the morning. But somehow he didn't think sleep was going to happen much that night.

**__**

**_Suck my blood, break my nerve offer me their arms / _****_Well, I will not be an enemy of anything_**

That smile. He hadn't thought he would see that smile again.

"Nagi."

"Welcome home, Omi." He held the door open wider, but the blond didn't come in. "What's wrong?"

"It's over."

He frowned. But Omi had come back… "What do you mean?" The blonde's hand, which had been behind his back, came into view. He was holding a gun. "Omi?!"

"It's over…"

Gasping, he sat up in bed, sweat running cold between his shoulder blades.

**__**

**_I'll only stand here / _****_Waiting for you_**

Shivering, he climbed into the shower, turning it as hot as he could possibly stand. He rubbed his arms, trying to chase away the chill. Every time he closed his eyes he saw it again. Omi, pulling the trigger with a smile on his face.

**__**

**_All my sins... / _****_I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you_**

He fell to his knees under the spray, water running over his face like tears.

**__**

**_All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming_**

****

****

-owari-

Oh man… THAT was depressing. I knew it would be, given the song but… That mental image of Omi smiling while shooting Nagi, CREEPY! Even if it was only a dream. Eeeks… I need to find something fluffy to read now…


	2. Winter of a Broken Heart

**_Winter of a Broken Heart_**

By Yanagi-sen

WK songfic

Usual disclaimers apply. Song is sung by Alison Krauss. I'll return Nagi when I'm done with him. (yeah right… I've been saying that for how many years now?) Sequel to Angels of the Silences.

Warnings: angst

He felt like he was living on autopilot. He got up in the morning, ate something, showered and went to work. Depending on what computer problems cropped up during the day he might not even get back home till long after dinner. He would eat because he knew he had to, but had no real appetite. He would try to fall asleep for a while then get back up and sit on the couch till he fell asleep watching bad reruns.

The next day it started all over again.

The only variation was Sunday. There was no work… so he had no reason to do much of anything. He forced himself to leave the apartment to get some groceries or do the laundry. Mostly on days off he tried to stay busy with his additional online clients. Designing websites and doing occasional freelance programming was boring at best, but it filled his empty hours.

It seemed like all his hours were empty now.

**_Oh it seems the sun will never shine / The skies are so gray and the heart you left broken is lonely_**

Frustrated, feeling caged and hemmed in, Nagi just HAD to get out of the apartment. It was a new place, he just couldn't stay in the one he had shared with Omi. This place was smaller, he didn't have much in the way of belongings, nor did he need a lot of room. Unfortunately it did have a tendency to get a little claustrophobic after a while.

He grabbed his coat and headed out into the frigid streets. Tokyo was in the grips of a cold snap, unusually cold in fact. He could only remember a couple other times when he'd felt the cold like this. He wandered for a while before catching a bus headed for the bay. The parks were likely to be mostly deserted given the weather.

Perfect.

**_The winter wind blows through the trees and with the song I sing / I long for the days you loved me only_**

The wind was whipping the waters of the bay into a frenzy. A few boats still moved, mostly fishermen too stubborn to give in to the weather. The water crashed onto the rocks below the railing where he stood. The spray was flung up into his face, but he didn't care all that much. He was already numb.

He shivered. Omi would have been so mad at him for letting himself get chilled. Would have stripped him and hustled him into a hot shower then tucked him into bed while he made some soup. Then they would have cuddled all evening sharing warmth and comfort.

Angrily, Nagi turned from the water and headed home.

**_Sorrow lingers, shadows only fill the empty room_**

His coat was dripping water and frozen sea spray as he unlocked the door. He tossed it towards the hook, but it missed and fell to the floor, he didn't care. He kicked off his shoes and shivered. The apartment had gotten very cold while he'd been away. He hustled out of his wet clothes and into the warmest things he could conveniently find.

Nagi refilled the heater with hands that shook visibly. He wrapped up in a blanket while waiting for the small device to do its work. Leaning back on the couch he stared up at the shadows dancing across the ceiling.

For years someone had been around to take care of him. Someone had been there to chide him for getting cold and wet. Someone would make sure the heater was going. Someone was simply be around. His head fell to the side and he sighed.

Chilly water dripped out of his hair and down his face.

**_Nights of lonely cries unheard / In the winter of a broken heart_**

Maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was the season. Maybe he had simply reached the breaking point, but Nagi felt like he was completely falling apart. Huddled in his blanket, listening to the faint whir of the heater, hearing the laughing of people outside his door.

One tear fell, then another.

He wasn't crying. He couldn't be crying. He didn't cry. It was as simple as that. Crying was a weakness, something others could exploit. What others? He thought ironically. There was no one now. For the first time since Crawford had picked him up out of the back alleys he was completely alone.

**_Oh the nights will never be the same as when the love was new /Young hearts so tender in their yearning_**

Unable to help himself, Nagi found his mind going back to the early days of his relationship with Omi. He'd been flattered, stunned actually that someone had liked him, had wanted to spend time with him. It had been wonderful. He'd allowed himself to be seduced and loved every moment of it.

They had been so young and eager to have something beyond the darkness and killing that surrounded them. Had it only been a few years ago? He felt so old, much older than he actually was. Love had been something new and slightly foreign to both of them.

**_But seasons, change and lovers too / And winter's twice as cold / But the fire in one heart is always burning_**

But had it really been love? Or had Omi been using him all along?

Neither one of them had known what love really was. He had slowly discovered that warmth inside when the blond was around. He hadn't known what to call it, but judging from what he'd read and seen in movies… he supposed that it was love.

What had changed? Or rather, what was different about what Omi had felt? Had he even felt the same way about Nagi? Questions… too many questions and no answers. There would never be any answers.

So the pain just went on and on.

**_Sorrow lingers, shadows only fill the empty room / Nights of lonely cries unheard / In the winter of a broken heart_**

When the tears finally ceased he felt drained, hollow, and empty. He knew he should eat, but he didn't want to even rise from the couch. With a sigh and a small cough, which he hoped wasn't a precursor to getting sick, he forced himself to his feet.

The room was warm now and he made his way to what passed for a kitchen. It had almost no counter space to speak of, but he didn't cook much anyway. He made some instant ramen and tea and took them back to his blanket. He ate woodenly, because he had to, not because he enjoyed the food.

Once he was done, he could feel sleep creeping up on him. The combination of warmth and food was working its subtle magic. He curled up on the couch, not wanting to have to warm up his bedroom.

**_Though a million hours pass the time and lonely is the pain / And what was love is just a spell that's broken_**

_'It's over.'_

He woke with a start, heart racing and sweat running down his face. Nagi wiped his face with a trembling hand. That dream again. He didn't have it all the time, and couldn't predict when it would strike. Fear of that smiling face, gun pointed towards him; had kept him from sleep many nights.

Apparently it was going to be another sleepless night. Abandoning his blanket he walked over to the window. A surprise waited for him. It was snowing.

**_So blow the wind and freeze the rain and try like lover's do / Seems our hearts have never really spoken_**

He had to put this behind him. He had to find a way to move on. It couldn't be that hard… could it?

**_Sorrow lingers, shadows only fill the empty room / Nights of lonely cries unheard_**

For the rest of the night, he sat near the window, watching the snow fall.

**_In the winter of a broken heart_**

-owari-

Ok, so it's not as creepy or disturbing as the first one, thank goodness. Nagi needed this… needed to cry and mourn a bit so he can move on. Yes, I'm planning the next one already…


	3. In Between Dances

**_In Between Dances_**

By Yanagi-sen

WK songfic

Usual disclaimers, etc etc etc… Song is by Pam Tillis. Sequel to Winter of a Broken Heart. Ishida Nanjiro was created by Kiki.

Warnings: language, shounen ai

His co-workers had finally worn him down, convincing him to go out with them for an end-of-the-year party. It really wasn't his thing, bars and smoke and drinking, and he absolutely hated beer; but he just couldn't go home to that empty apartment again. He sat in a dark booth at a popular dance club, pretending to drink the beer his companions had gotten for him. He took another sip and made a face. Setting the glass down, he pushed it away from him with distaste.

Maybe he should just leave. The guys he had come with were all out on the dance floor. He envied them their obvious enjoyment. The office was going to be closed for the New Year's holiday… what was he going to do with himself for a whole week? He sighed, resting his chin on his hand.

A cup of coffee appeared beside his elbow.

**_There's room at my table, why don't you pull up a seat_**

"Beer's not to your taste, ne?"

He looked up. A young man stood there, one who looked somewhat familiar. It was the blue hair that jogged his memory. Ishida, he worked in another office and Nagi had passed him in the hallways a couple of times. He slid into the other side of the booth, looking out towards the dance floor.

"You take it with cream and sugar, right?"

Nagi looked into the cup, sure enough, it was lightened. He picked it up and took a sip, sweetened to his taste as well. He found his voice. "Yes, thank you."

"No problem, it looked like you weren't enjoying your drink."

**_The music's inviting but I'm staying off of my feet_**

"No." He sipped the coffee again, wondering why the young man was sitting there. Didn't Nanjiro have better things to do than baby-sit him?

"Your name's, Naoe, ne?"

"Oh, sorry. Yes, Naoe Nagi."

"Ishida Nanjiro, nice to meet you." He turned to face the brunette. "I haven't seen you out here before."

"No." He waved his hand in the general direction of the dance floor and his compatriots. "They insisted I come out… end-of-the-year and all that."

"Ah yes… 'to the end of the year'." He toasted the air with his glass. Belatedly, Nagi followed suite. He looked at the brunette shrewdly. "You don't seem to be in the mood to celebrate though."

**_The floor's getting crowded, but I don't wanna take part_**

Nagi shrugged. "It wasn't a very good year."

"I would think you would be happy it was over then."

"Hmm." The brunette mumbled neutrally. Yes, he was glad it was over, but facing the new year was even more difficult. A new year, a new life, a new time to grow and live and be alone. He noticed the other young man's eyes were still on him. He looked at Ishida quizzically. "What?"

"I can see the rumors running around the office are true."

"Rumors?"

**_I bet you can guess it's got something to do with my heart_**

It was the young man's turn to shrug. "That you've had a break up with that blond guy. You've been different the last month or so, and he hasn't been around for a long time."

Nagi ducked his head, scowling. "It's personal."

"You're right, but when has that ever stopped the gossipers?" He waved his hand toward the dance floor. "They're like a bunch of old women. I just thought you should know it's going around."

"Gee, thanks."

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault." He glanced up, eyes hardening. "Is it?"

Ishida snorted. "I don't pass gossip, but they were talking right next to my desk last week. I couldn't help but overhear."

The brunette rubbed his forehead. Just great, now the whole office was discussing his nonexistent love life.

"Hey, you don't look like you're enjoying yourself, let's get out of here."

That sounded good to Nagi. He grabbed his coat; it was still unusually cold outside. He tossed some yen on the table; if that didn't cover his drinks the other guys would just have to deal. He followed Ishida out into the busy streets.

"I know this great coffee shop not far from here. Did you get any dinner?"

He shook his head. They guys had just wanted to get to the club so they hadn't stopped for anything.

"Okay, we'll get something to eat there."

**_I could sure use your company now_**

The blue-haired young man had been right, the coffee shop was great. It was fairly quiet, the booths and tables positioned so that one could find companionship or privacy as they desired. The sandwiches Ishida ordered for them were generous as were the cups of coffee. Nagi ate hungrily; he had forgotten to get lunch again. When he was done, another half appeared on his plate. He looked up.

Ishida was smiling wryly. "Eat it; you look like you could use some more food."

Nagi ducked his head sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I forgot about lunch today."

"I noticed. You should eat more. I stopped for dinner before getting to the club."

Still he hesitated. This was the other man's food.

"If you don't eat it, it's just going to go to waste."

"Oh, alright." The rest of the sandwich disappeared quickly. It was… nice, to eat with someone else again. Nagi hadn't noticed how much he disliked eating alone.

**_But don't be mistaking my smile_**

"Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Don't mention it. So, can I call you, 'Nagi'?"

He blinked. "Um… I guess. It doesn't really matter one way or another."

"Oh good, call me Nanjiro. Ishida makes me think my father is standing over my shoulder."

Ishida… did he mean THE Ishida that was the vice president of the company? That could explain how he could get away with the blue hair, like a displaced college student. And his eyes… they were green?! And they didn't even match, weird. "Ishida?"

"Yeah, Ishida Jiro."

"Isn't he…"

"Yeah yeah, vice president." He waved his hand dismissively. "He's my father."

"Oh. Is that why?" He glanced at the blue hair.

Nanjiro laughed. "He complains about that at least once a week but I like it. I'm not heading into management or public relations so I don't care. Same for the eyes."

"They are… unique."

"Colored contacts of course, and no, they aren't supposed to match."

**_I'm only in between dances / Sitting it out for a while_**

He got up to order some more coffee for them. Nagi played with the empty sugar packets, making little origami objects. "Hey, you're pretty good at that."

"Huh?"

"The origami, those are really tiny. How do you manage to fold them so tight?"

Nagi blinked. He couldn't exactly tell Nanjiro that he used telekinesis to help his fingers. "I don't know… I guess I just have a knack for it."

"Cool. So what about your eyes? Contacts?"

"Oh, no, they're real."

"Mine are real too. As real as little pieces of colored plastic can make them."

Nagi snickered. "Good point. Mine actually are blue though."

"Wow. Gackt must pay a fortune for his contacts and you get such pretty eyes naturally."

The brunette looked away, uncomfortable. "My eyes are not as pretty as Gackt's."

"Sure they are, they suit you."

Midnight eyes stared into mismatched green. Was Nanjiro flirting with him?!

**_The partners are chosen, look at them waltzing away_**

The young man's smiled softly. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

Nagi glanced away. "A little."

"I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to get away without giving it a try."

"Get away?" He looked back, curiously.

"Of course. I guess you don't realize what a catch you are."

"Me?" His voice was distinctly skeptical.

"Sure." Nanjiro grinned. "You're smart, young, and cute as hell." Nagi hid his face in his hand, he knew he was blushing. His companion laughed. "See, you're adorable."

"I am not!" He protested weakly.

**_The tempo gets slower, closer and closer they sway_**

Nanjiro leaned his chin on the heel of one hand. "Hasn't anyone ever told you how attractive you are?"

He looked away, remembering not only Omi but all the others. He'd been told he was beautiful for most of his life, usually by people who wanted something from him. But coming from Nanjiro… it was different. The flattery felt sincere, like in those early days with Omi. "A few."

"Guess you haven't done much dating then."

"Not really."

"You know, you are allowed to tell me to fuck off if I'm bothering you." He said with a grin.

"You're not bothering me."

**_I've had my moments when I could get lost in the sound_**

"Oh good. I was a little afraid you would have run away screaming by now."

Nagi's mouth twisted into a rue grin. "You're not that scary." Not by a long shot compared to some of the things he'd seen.

"Hmm… I think my mother would beg to differ." He smirked and downed his cup.

"Were you a problem child?"

"I AM a problem child. At least to her. She wanted a doctor, my father wanted a protégé. I just wanted to work with computers. What about your family?"

Nagi looked down, playing with the rim of his cup. "No family."

"Ah, sorry."

"It's okay. I'm used to it."

"So you really are all alone."

"I am now."

**_But when the song ended the one in my arms let me down_**

"I'm really sorry. Here I'm trying to distract you from your troubles and I end up reminding you of them."

He sighed. "It's really not your fault." Everything reminds me of him, he added in his mind.

"Let me make it up to you."

"Make it up to me?"

"Sure, let me take you on a date."

**_I could sure use your company now / But don't be mistaking my smile_**

"Date?!"

"Too fast huh? We can call it 'hanging out' if you prefer."

He really didn't know what to say or how to act. Flirting wasn't something he had ever learned how to cope with or reciprocate. He felt like he was back attending a normal school for the first time, trying to figure out how to act like the others, but not sure what to do.

Nanjiro was apparently taking his silence for dissent. "Hey, if you don't want to, that's okay. I understand…"

"No… no that's not what I want."

**_I'm only in between dances / Sitting it out for a while_**

The young man grinned and smile slowly spread across Nagi's face as well. Did he just agree to date Nanjiro?

"Uh oh, the manager is giving us that 'we want to close now' look."

Nagi sighed. The first evening in weeks that he was actually enjoying himself and now he'd have to go back to his lonely apartment. "I guess we better go then…"

"Yeah. Come on, before she throws us out literally." He said with a grin to the manager, a middle-aged woman who obviously knew Nanjiro well.

"Yes, get out of here you rascal. Take your little friend home and stop cluttering up my café."

"Yeah yeah, we're going." The blue-haired man got up and grabbed their coats from the hook outside the booth. He opened Nagi's and held it out to him. Blushing a bit, the brunette let Nanjiro help him into his coat.

"I'm sorry we've kept you…" He tried to apologize to the woman while the other young man put on his own jacket.

"Nonsense, this isn't the first time Ishida-kun has lingered past closing."

"Come on, Nagi."

Outside on the sidewalk, he looked up and down the still bustling street. "I'm not sure where we are? Is there a subway near here that I can use to get home?"

"Do you want to go home?"

Did he really? No… but then again he wasn't sure where else to go.

**_Have you been in my shoes / I search your eyes for signs_**

"My place isn't far from here, come on over. You know, just hang out."

His eyes sought out Nanjiro's; looking for any sign that young man was toying with him. After so many years of training and observation, he was nearly as good as a telepath at reading people. He might not know how to respond, but he could usually tell what they were thinking.

"You can always call a taxi if you don't want to stay."

His whole life, he'd always been told what to do, where to go, or led to making certain decisions. Rarely had he taken a chance, preferring to take what would be the easier route, the more survivable action. He didn't have the safety net that had been there for him before.

"Okay."

**_Will you remain, remember my name / After it's closing time_**

Nanjiro smiled. "This way." They walked together, the blue-haired man chatting away. Nagi found himself intrigued by this young man. He was enjoying himself. He was actually enjoying himself.

"This is the building I live in."

Nagi boggled at the place. "You live HERE?" This had to be one of the higher rent places in the area. How could Nanjiro afford it? They weren't paid badly but certainly not well enough to afford this!

"Yeah, mother insisted." He walked into what looked more like a high-class hotel lobby than the ground floor of an apartment complex. A security guard nodded to them from behind a polished desk. Nanjiro paused to check his mailbox, and then led to way to the elevator.

"I hope you're not afraid of heights." He asked as they rode upwards.

"No."

"Oh good. I have a friend who is absolutely petrified of anything over about 5 stories. She can never come visit me."

"What floor do you live on?" Nagi checked the floor numbers, there were 16.

"Top floor, and I have access to part of the roof."

"Wow."

"It's not much, but I call it home." He said with a grin as the bell dinged and the doors slid open. There was another foyer area with four doors. "I'm in 4." He pulled out a swipe card, running it through the electronic lock then punching in a code. The lock buzzed and he opened the door. "Come in, come in."

Nagi carefully removed his shoes, placing them on the mat beside the door. Nanjiro set out a pair of guest slippers. "Let me take your coat."

**_I could sure use your company now / But don't be mistaking my smile_**

He wasn't sure how long they stayed up, just chatting. At least long enough to drink a couple cups of tea. By the time sleep was creeping up on him, it was far too late to find a train or bus still running. Nanjiro insisted he stay for the night, getting out a spare futon and setting it up in the living room for him. His host even had a spare set of clothes for him to sleep in and a new toothbrush he could use.

Nanjiro got an extra blanket, insisting that it was chilly sleeping on the floor and that he needed it. Nagi lay there, comfortably cocooned, fed and mind drifting. He could hear the other man completing his nightly rituals. He had forgotten how good it felt to be around someone else. The little sounds another person made were comforting. For the first time in a couple months, he felt like he could really sleep.

**_I'm only in between dances / Sitting it out for a while_**

-Owari-

See… I can be nice to Nagi eventually. Poor Nagi, he just doesn't deal with flirting well. But aren't they cute? Nanjiro belongs to Kiki, who graciously let me borrow him. We usually use him for our YnM fics as a gatekeeper shinigami, hence the mismatched eyes. I've retained him in human form here, eyes and all.


	4. The Name of the Game

The Name of the Game

By Yanagi-sen

WK songfic

Usual disclaimers apply. Third in the Angels of the Silences series. Song by ABBA. Nanjiro created by my friend and sometimes coauthor, Kiki. Please do not use him without her permission.

Warnings: sap, mild angst, a fresh lemony scent

Nagi stared at the lines of code. Something wasn't working out, if he could just find the error… Suddenly he spotted it, just a typo but it had kept a week's worth of coding from working. With a sigh, he fixed the error, and then noticed he wasn't alone. Looking up, the young telekinetic noticed vivid blue hair. "Nanjiro."

"Hey, Nagi. How are you?"

"Better now that I found the problem with my code. How are you?"

"I'm good… You thinking about leaving any time soon?"

Nagi looked up at the clock. He was surprised to see that it was already after 7. "Oh, I didn't realize it was so late." The rest of the office was quiet and getting dark. It looked like everyone else had gone.

"No kidding. Come on, it's Friday, let's get out of here. Remember you promised to 'hang out' with me." He winked.

**_I've seen you twice, in a short time / Only a week since we started_**

Nanjiro took them to that nightclub where they had first met. They ordered some food and drinks, beer for Nan, coffee for Nagi. The brunette dug into his meal when it arrived, finding he was starving. Once the edge had been taken off his hunger, Nagi slowed down and looked around. He found that Nanjiro was watching him with a smirk on his face. "What?"

"Forget lunch again?"

Nagi blushed. "No, but it was a long time ago."

"What did you have?"

"An onigiri."

The blue-haired man frowned, shaking his head. "That's hardly enough, especially when you tend to stay as late as you do. You should have lunch with me; get away from that cubicle for a bit."

"I get a lot done while I'm eating."

"That doesn't surprise me since you hardly eat." He smiled, taking the edge off his words.

Nagi pondered that smile. It surprised him a little, that he cared what Nanjiro thought and said. They had only been 'hanging out' for a couple weeks now, but already the man's opinion of him mattered to Nagi.

"More coffee?"

"Sure."

**_It seems to me, for every time / I'm getting more open-hearted_**

The dance floor was starting to fill up. This club wasn't as wild as some of the others in the area, but it was popular with the young-but-out-of-college crowd. Nagi watched the people for a moment, then noticed that he was being watched in turn. He quirked an eyebrow.

Nanjiro winked. "Wanna dance?"

"Me?"

"Is there another cute brunette over there?"

"I'm no dancer. If you want to, go ahead."

"That's no fun. Come on." He stood up and extended a hand to Nagi. The brunette shook his head, but Nanjiro wasn't taking no for an answer. He grabbed the thin wrist and pulled the telekinetic from the booth.

"Nan… I can't dance."

"Everyone can dance; the difference is if someone can dance well."

"I'm not one of them!" They were getting close to the dance floor and Nagi was getting more conscious of the scene they were presenting. He quit fighting the young man, but wasn't happy. He was sure everyone was staring at him. Fortunately the music changed to a slower song and the lights dimmed a bit.

Nanjiro pulled him closer. "Just move with me."

**_I was an impossible case / No-one ever could reach me_**

Nagi felt stiff and awkward. Nanjiro just seemed to flow with the music, while he… well… he was less than graceful. The other young man frowned slightly and leaned closer. One hand came up, brushing down over the brunette's eyes. "Close them… just relax and follow me."

Feeling foolish, Nagi closed his eyes. This was silly… he couldn't do this. With the midnight eyes closed he was forced to just feel… He was aware of the hand resting against his side; the other arm wrapped around him, fingers splayed against the small of his back. He could sense the movement of Nanjiro's hips, a gentle swaying motion. He tried to match it.

"Relax, you're trying too hard." He was pulled closer and with a sigh of frustration, laid his head against Nan's shoulder. He tried not to think about it… not to really try to dance, just listened to the music. "see… you're a natural."

"hardly." He murmured into the blue hair. Nanjiro laughed. Nagi was amazed how Nan could get to him when no one else could. Not even Omi.

**_But I think I can see in your face / There's a lot you can teach me / So I wanna know.._**

He envied Nanjiro his openness, his ability to be so candid and honest without worrying what everyone else thought about him. You could see it simply in his hair color. Nanjiro knew it attracted attention, and he simply didn't care. He liked it, and that was all that mattered.

Nagi wondered if maybe Nan could teach him to be a little less reserved. He chanced opening his eyes, lifting his head from the other man's shoulder. Nanjiro was watching him, smiling slightly.

**_What's the name of the game/ Does it mean anything to you?_**

"What?"

"Nothing."

Those lingering bits of uncertainty reared their ugly little heads. What did Nanjiro want from him?

The blue-haired man frowned. "What's wrong? You just got all tense."

Nagi shook his head. "I just…" He gave up and shrugged.

"don't worry about it… you look fine… you look more than fine I think… so do they…" He smirked off to the side.

**_What's the name of the game/ Can you feel it the way I do?_**

Nagi's eyes followed the movement. There were at least half a dozen people watching them. Eyes on him. It was something he had been avoiding for years. He didn't want to be watched, didn't want to be noticed. Noticed meant he had failed to fade into the background the way he had been taught. To be noticed meant danger. He stiffened more.

"What's wrong… and don't tell me nothing, something's up."

He could feel those eyes on his back; it just made his skin crawl.

**_Tell me please, 'cause I have to know / I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow_**

"Is it them? Watching you?" Nan pulled him closer again, so he could easily whisper in the smaller man's ear. "they just think you're beautiful to look at… I really have to agree with them."

"no I'm not… and they're staring..."

"Of course they are. You ARE beautiful. And you're so adorable when you get all flustered and embarrassed. You are a very attractive man, they are admiring that."

He knew Nanjiro was teasing. He knew the blue-haired man found him pretty. The brunette shook his head. How could he explain something like this? That he was uncomfortable being watched because he had formerly been an assassin? That he got nervous when too many people noticed him? That he was afraid one of them might just be from his former employers and ready to either jump him or report on him? The song shifted to a bouncier number but Nagi just stood there.

Nanjiro glowered at the watchers and they turned back to whatever they'd been doing before. He steered the brunette back towards their booth, not taking his arm off of the thin shoulders till they were seated again.

**_And you make me talk / And you make me feel / And you make me show / What I'm trying to conceal_**

Nagi sat, staring at his hands. When a napkin appeared beside him, he grabbed it and tore off a section, starting to fold the thin paper. A glass was held in his range of vision… not the coffee he had been drinking before. Something more colorful.

"Here… drink this."

He would have refused, just out of spite, but he felt bad for most likely ruining the other man's evening. He took the glass and sipped it. The drink was kind of fruity, sweet, but a little tart too. He decided he liked it and took another sip before putting it down. He went back to folding bits of paper and occasionally sipping the drink. He finally stopped when the glass was empty and he had run out of napkin. He looked up at Nanjiro.

"Feel like talking?"

Nagi shrugged. He felt… oddly relaxed, and a bit warm. "I just got…"

"Spooked?"

"Yeah… I guess so. Knowing they were looking at me."

"Why? Hundreds of people must look at you everyday, riding the subway, walking down the street, in the office."

"But they aren't 'watching' me." He put subtle emphasis on the word. "It's different."

"You don't like being watched."

"No… they might find out things."

"What things?"

He was going to say, 'That I'm a freak.'; but what came out was, "I love you."

**_If I trust in you, would you let me down/ Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?_**

Nagi could have kicked himself. What had possessed him to do that? The only thing that could have been worse would be if he'd just admitted to formerly being a member of Schwarz, and all that entailed. Nanjiro said he loved him all the time, but that was different. For Nagi… it was different. He braced himself for what might be coming next.

"Was that really so hard to admit?"

**_Could you feel the same way too/ I wanna know... / The name of the game_**

"you don't understand… there's things you don't know… you can't know about me."

"So I get to know you… how terrible can that be?"

Nagi shook his head. Nan didn't understand, he couldn't understand. He glanced around, they were in a secluded booth, no one appeared to be watching. One of the origami birds lifted off the table and rotated in a circle before coming to rest again. The brunette didn't dare look to see what the other man's reaction was.

"Let's go."

The telekinetic slipped from the booth, feeling a little unsteady. He grabbed his coat and fumbled for his wallet. Nanjiro grabbed his arm and started for the door. "I got the bill."

Nagi just followed him out and down the street. He wondered if Nan was leading him back to that posh apartment he lived in. Maybe he should just go home. "Should I go?"

"Where… you have another hot date I don't know about?"

At least the man was teasing him again, he relaxed slightly. "No… but, I don't want to ruin your evening any more than I already have."

"You haven't… it's a surprise and I think we need to talk, but you didn't 'ruin' the evening. Part of being friends is taking the good with the bad… or the strange."

**_I have no friends, no-one to see / And I am never invited_**

Nagi walked silently beside the other young man, staring down at the sidewalk, hands tucked into his pockets. Nanjiro let him get away with that till they were waiting on the subway platform and then looped his arm through the brunette's. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"I guess."

"You never seem to go anywhere or do anything. You arrive at work early and stay late… don't you have any friends or hobbies or anything?"

"Not really."

"Nothing at all?"

"No… Omi was…" His voice broke a bit; he cleared his throat and went on. "He was the one I did things with."

"Weren't you in any clubs in school, sports? You can't tell me you've never done anything."

Nagi colored slightly. "I mostly did stuff with my computer…" He didn't want to talk about it too much, hacking was illegal after all.

"Hacking?"

"I didn't say that…"

"Puleeze… I'm a programmer too. So you went to school, then went home, did your homework and hacked?"

"More or less." Oh, and I was also part of a secret international organization bent on taking over the world and doing the occasional mass destruction or murder, but let's not mention that.

Nanjiro was silent as they boarded the packed subway car and found a corner to stand in. "Aren't you lonely?"

**_Now I am here, talking to you / No wonder I get excited_**

Nagi's voice stuck in his throat. Of course he was lonely, he'd been lonely for as long as he could remember. Until Omi… and then the blond had left him. And now… "sometimes…"

The blue-haired man smiled. "Only sometimes… so are you lonely right now?" The brunette couldn't speak; he just looked at Nanjiro with somewhat haunted blue eyes. The young man leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "I'm so lucky… I get to spend time with you… come on up, spend the night with me."

"okay…" A little shiver went through him. Nanjiro had seen some of his talent and wasn't disgusted or afraid of him. He didn't leave Nagi alone on the street, and that voice… That voice sent a thrill down his spine.

**_Your smile, and the sound of your voice / And the way you see through me_**

He was transfixed by the mismatched green eyes. Nanjiro smirked and moved a little closer as more people tried to pack into the car. Nagi found himself pushed back into a corner, the blue-haired man pressed against him from leg to shoulder. Out of sight, if someone should have been looking, Nagi felt a hand run up his hip and around his back. He squirmed a bit.

Nanjiro was still smirking, a twinkle in his eyes. His hand slid up under Nagi's coat, toying with the waistband of his slacks. "Nanjiro!" He hissed.

"Don't you like it? No one is watching… and if they are, they can't see anything." The hand kept moving and Nagi was suddenly aware that Nan was very interested. As the car rocked slightly, the other man used the movement to rub against the brunette sensually.

**_Got a feeling, you give me no choice / But it means a lot to me_**

The subway ride seemed to take forever and no time at all. Nagi was glad his coat fell to mid-thigh, and therefore hid how much Nanjiro's attentions interested his body. The other young man was smirking, as he led the brunette through the crowd at the subway station and out into the street. Nagi could see the apartment mansion just ahead. He buried his hands in his pockets again.

Nanjiro smiled and took his arm. "You are going to stay, right."

A flutter went through the brunette. He nodded. He was feeling, something. He couldn't really put a name to that sensation. He had thought with Omi that he'd discovered what 'love' was supposed to feel like. But this was different. It was exciting and enticing and any number of other things. All at the same time. It was a little bewildering.

**_So I wanna know... / What's the name of the game? _**

He waited while the blue-haired man got his mail and then they rode up in the elevator. Once again, Nagi was struck by the posh apartment his… friend, lived in. He wasn't sure what to call Nanjiro. He was closer than a friend, definitely more than a co-worker. But Nagi wasn't quite ready to think about anything more serious.

He wondered why he had accepted the invitation up. Why was he there? What did he want? And why was he asking himself all these questions he couldn't answer. He was really starting to lose it. Schu would have been vastly amused. He sighed, sometimes, he really missed them.

**_(Your smile and the sound of your voice) / Does it mean anything to you?_**

_**(Got a feeling you give me no choice) / But it means a lot, what's the name of the game? **_

Nanjiro was smiling as he took the brunette's coat. "Do you want anything to drink? I've got beer, wine, cola, tea?"

Nagi shrugged. "Anything…"

"Okay, have a seat, I'll be right out." The young man disappeared into the small kitchen. Nagi wandered over to one of the windows. The city spread out all around them. There was a glow coming up from the street, then lights here and there in the buildings. The ones in the distance looked almost like stationary fireflies.

"Thanks for waiting."

He turned to see Nanjiro coming back in and setting a pair of wine glasses on the coffee table and sitting on the couch. He patted the cushion next to him. "I promise I won't bite."

"Why do I not believe you?" Nagi asked as he made his way back to the couch and sat down.

"Well… I won't bite hard."

**_(Your smile and the sound of your voice) / Can you feel it the way I do?_**

**_Tell me please, 'cause I have to know / I'm a bashful child, beginning to grow_**

He took a sip of the wine, then another. It was semi-sweet, light, very nice. He wasn't much of a drinker, not generally comfortable enough with other people to let his senses be dulled. But tonight… he suspected whatever Nan had given him back at the club hadn't just been fruit juice. He leaned his head back, relaxing a bit.

Nanjiro tucked his feet up on the couch, sliding a little closer to him. His free hand reached out to brush some of the brunette strands from the telekinetic's face. He turned his face to look at the blue-haired man. Nan was smiling again.

**_And you make me talk / And you make me feel / And you make me show / What I'm trying to conceal_**

The man took the glasses and set them on the table. He slid closer to Nagi, one hand coming back to play with his hair, the other gently stroking along the brunette's thigh. Midnight eyes slid closed as Nagi tilted his head into the caress. No words were exchanged.

Did he like Nanjiro this way? Could he let the man in? Inside where previously only Omi had been able to reach? Could he maybe stop thinking long enough to actually enjoy the moment?

Cool finger slid along his chin as Nanjiro took his face in both hands. Nagi opened his eyes to see the other man so close, a question in his odd green eyes. He closed his again and tilted his face towards the other in permission. The lips that ghost along his are soft and careful, gentle and non-threatening.

**_If I trust in you, would you let me down/ Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?_**

The kiss was long and mellow, calm and quiet in a way it had rarely been with Omi. With Omi it had all been hurried and passionate, burning fiercely and then over. This was different. Nagi could still feel the passion, but it was quieter, like a fire banked carefully.

Nanjiro kissed him tenderly and then pulled away. Midnight eyes blinked. The other man was watching him closely. "Did you like that?"

He nodded. "I like it… I like you."

**_Could you feel the same way too/ I wanna know..._**

Nan laughed quietly. "That's good, cause I like you too." He leaned in to kiss him again. The cool fingertips slid down and tilted Nagi's head to the side. Nanjiro's lips started to kiss their way along the pale jaw to where it met the slim neck. The telekinetic gasped at the first nibble on his neck.

**_Oh yes I wanna know... / The name of the game / (I was an impossible case) / Does it mean anything to you?_**

The lingering touches through the thickness of his clothing were somehow more alluring than if they had been naked. He found himself reaching for the man in return. The kisses continued, sometimes a press against lips, sometimes against other stretches of bared skin. Nimble fingers started to unbutton his shirt, spreading the fabric open. Nanjiro dipped his head to lick along the brunette's collarbone.

Nagi sighed softly. The clever fingers slid under his shirt and finding one of his nipples, traced around it. The brunette moaned, back arching. It felt so good… everything felt good. Nanjiro pulled him up, pushing the shirt back over his shoulders then drawing it carefully from his arms. Grabbing a couple pillows, he shoved them in behind Nagi and then leaned him back again. "If you get uncomfortable… for any reason, tell me." His eyes held Nagi's. The brunette nodded.

**_(But I think I can see in your face) / That it means a lot_**

Nanjiro smiled, and it was an honest smile. Nagi had, out of necessity, learned to read the truth or falsehood in people's faces. Crawford and Schuldich's true feelings were rarely, if ever shown, he had to be able to see beneath that to survive with them. To see such honesty out where he could see it, touch it, it meant a lot to the brunette. He reached out and traced the side of Nanjiro's face.

The odd green eyes closed and the man turned his head so he could kiss and nibble at Nagi's fingertips. Midnight eyes closed as well and the young man was swept up in the sensations.

**_What's the name of the game/ (Your smile and the sound of your voice)_**

_**Can you feel it the way I do/ (Got a feeling you give me no choice)**_

Free to touch, free to feel, Nagi groaned at the growing warmth between them. Nanjiro's cool fingers left fire behind as they glided over his skin, seeking out all the sensitive places. The brunette was writhing under those fingers. Then when the man traced back over those places with his tongue… Nagi didn't know what he was saying anymore, but he wanted, no needed something.

He moaned and arched his back. His pants were becoming uncomfortable, constrictive. He managed to get his hands working enough to undo them. He heard/felt Nanjiro chuckle and then move off of him a bit. Those wonderful, clever fingers came down to help and soon Nagi's pants had joined his shirt on the floor. The other man left his boxers however. The hands came back, this time one slid up his leg, under the fabric and just lightly grazed his aching erection.

Anything. Nanjiro could have asked for anything at that moment and Nagi would have given it to him. It had been so long, so long since anyone but himself had touched that place. So long since anyone had touched him in passion at all. So long… and he wanted this so much. Nanjiro drew him closer to kiss deeply, withdrawing his hand at the same time. Nagi groaned disappointedly.

"no… want more… anything…"

**_But it means a lot, what's the name of the game/ (I was an impossible case)_**

Nanjiro pulled entirely away from him. Nagi blinked in surprise. He watched, shocked, as the man ran a hand through his blue hair and retreated to the far corner of the couch. Had he done something wrong? "Nan?"

"I'm sorry… that wasn't right of me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Taking advantage of you like that. It wasn't right."

"What do you mean? Did I do something wrong?"

"No!" Nanjiro reached over and pat his leg. "No, you did nothing wrong… this just isn't right."

It felt like Nagi's world was crashing down on him again. "You… you don't want me!" He finally blurted out.

Surprise, then dawning understanding flicked across Nanjiro's face. "Oh… no… it's not that." He grinned seductively. "I want you very much. But we can't do this tonight."

**_Does it mean anything to you/ (But I think I can see in your face)_**

"Wh… why not!" He must have looked hurt or something because Nan reached over and first tugged on his leg to get him moving, then gathered him into his arms.

"shhhh… you're not ready for that. Not yet. We've both been drinking. I don't want to do, or you to do, anything unless we're both thinking clearly. I don't want you to wake up tomorrow hating me, or yourself for that matter. I won't do that to you."

A tightness that had formed in Nagi's chest loosened a bit. "oh… maybe I should leave…"

The arms around him were unyielding, not letting him go. "no… stay, please?"

Nagi fought with himself for a minute. This was… new. Before, with Omi, they had only really cuddled after sex. Or the rare time he'd been sick, but that hadn't really felt like this. The blond had always been so full of energy. Unless sleeping, he was rarely content to just lay and be with each other. Nagi kind of thought that maybe he liked this. He nodded.

Nanjiro smiled again, but it was a little sleepy. The brunette found he was getting tired too, now that the excitement had worn off. The blue-haired man coaxed him to stand, and then led him into the darkened bedroom. He didn't bother to turn on any lights. He dug out some pajamas and handed them to Nagi, giving him a push towards the bathroom.

It took only a few minutes for them to get ready for bed then the brunette was settled under the covers. Nanjiro wrapped himself around Nagi like he was some kind of man-shaped teddy bear. Surprisingly, it was the most comfortable he'd felt in months. A soft kiss was pressed to the back of his neck. "oyasumi…"

A slight smile found its way to Nagi's lips as he dropped off into sleep.

_**That it means a lot**_

-owari-

TBC of course. That's not an ending. I mean, it could be, but when authors (especially professional ones, you know, the people that get PAID for this) have an ending like that, I get annoyed. Actually, that's putting it too mildly, I get pissed. I want REAL endings; where all the loose ends are nicely tied up and hopefully in a happy way. I don't mind if the series is going to be continued, but the ultimate ending has to BE an ending. So anyway… yeah, getting off my soapbox now, hope you enjoyed.

Oh, one more thing (if you're still bothering to read this, thank you); I'm dedicating this one to my Grandpa. He loved ABBA. Some of my fondest memories of him either involve music or cooking. His favorite song was 'I Have a Dream', but I'm not sure when or if I'll ever use that one. So this is for him. -Yanagi


End file.
